As my alarm rings at 5.30 this morning, I don’t feel like getting up at all, especially after having had a night of bad dreams and a series of panic attacks that started plaguing me a couple of days ago for reasons I do not want to bother you with at this moment. Not to worry, I will get it all off my chest when I see my shrink this evening (poor woman, having to listen to my neurotic thoughts four times a week! On the other hand, poor me having to put myself through this highly exhausting process four times a week too! Yes, four times a week, the classic lying – on – the couch – say – whatever – comes – into – your – mind – thing, after Mr.Freud – how much more cliché can it actually get than doing Psycho – analysis in Vienna? I have to correct myself, no one forces me to do it, it was very much my own choice and even though it is proving to be one of the most exhausting processes of self – discovery I have ever undergone, it is starting to pay off! But this is a different story to be told another time…
So, waking up to the soundtrack of pink panther (should I better keep that to myself?) at 5.30 on Monday morning isn’t the most pleasant thing I can think of and spontaneously makes me want to throw that bloody alarm clock right out of the window! Instead I crawl out of bed, splash some ice – cold water in my face, brush my teeth and sit down on my meditation cushion. I feel like anything BUT meditation, as you can imagine. I want my bed! (For a moment I even consider going back for another little snooze)Even less do I feel like standing up on my yoga – mat to salute the sun that is already shining through my window by this time anyway, so for a moment I think why do I even bother? But then I feel my body, all stiff and sluggish because I didn’t do a single stretch the whole week – end and I know that if I don’t get myself onto that mat this morning I will spend the day feeling guilty, depressed and simply be loathing myself. So I bite my teeth together and stand up in Samasthiti to start the first round of Surya Namaskar. The first five minutes are pure agony, then I take it posture by posture, repeatedly reminding myself how good this will make me feel once it’s done(it’s not always like this, most times I really enjoy every single posture in every single moment of my practice, honestly!) – one and a half hours later – tadaa – I take a deep, very deep breath as I finally lie down in Savasana. Then it’s time to jump in the shower and get ready to make other people stretch and sweat on their mats! As I leave the house and get on my push – bike I feel like I’m still sleeping! Two hours of rigorous, sweat – inducing Astanga Vinyasa followed by an ice – cold shower and I’m still tired. I blame the weather as it’s a bloody freezing day in Vienna, the wind blowing with all its might in the middle of June – hooray!!! I know I should be thinking positive and accept the weather as it is as I cannot change it anyway but I don’t. I hate it. It makes me aggressive – and everyone else in Vienna too, and I think that this may even be the reason why the Viennese are so bloody grumpy all the time. Isn’t it amazing how greatly we are influenced by the weather – this shows you how powerful nature really is. And there we are, thinking we can control everything and really, all we do is destroy ourselves. It’s a long ride to the yoga – studio, so whilst all these enormously wise things are going through my mind I start preparing for my class. I always look forward to my Monday – morning – yoga – bunch. It’s an amazingly lovely group of women who from the first day accepted me with open arms, even though they were used to the same teacher for years. An overwhelming feeling of joy overcomes me as I enter the class: the room is packed. My worries, fears, sorrows are instantly gone as I put my focus to creating the foundation for a positive start of the week for every single person in the room. How lovely is it to tune in with a bunch of people and allow yourself to be led by the communal energy to guide the group through a flowing series of asanas, the sequence coming from your intuition and – look at their content, satisfied faces and bodies diving into their well – deserved relaxation at the end of class. Deeply satisfied I make my way home, looking forward to my well deserved breakfast! I stop by the organic shop to get milk and bread, then run up those stairs to put the coffee on the stove. Still I’m not sure about this day, still hating the wind and the cold weather…until the smell of coffee, coming up in my old – fashioned italian espresso – machine, tickles my nose – buds! Entirely unexpected, a feeling of pure bliss and happiness overcomes me and I can’t but wonder how something so profound and simple can put such a big smile on my face. I know that from now on not even the weather can bring me down because I simply won’t let it! and then I realize how good my body feels after that morning – practice…I think I might just have made up my mind about this day…
